G-d of Corona

Two men wearing surgical masks are sitting on a bench outside a suburban Walmart. One man sits next to a shopping bag containing a large box of disinfecting wipes, a bottle of Lysol, 48 Ultra Strong Super Mega Rolls of toilet paper and a copy of the CDC’s “Coronavirus Disease (COVID 19) Guidance for Cleaning and Disinfecting Public Spaces, Workplaces, Businesses, Schools, and Homes.” The other man has a bag holding three 63-liter bottles of Mountain Dew, a large pouch of Crispy M&M’s and the current issue of “Guns and Ammo.” They are sitting 4-and-a-half feet apart.

Man #1: Do you know who’s responsible for this virus? The Devil ... Do you want some Mountain Dew?

Man #2: No thanks. I say it’s G-d.

Man #1: What? The deaths, the unemployment, these stupid masks. They’re from G-d? No bad comes from G-d. G-d is Good. That’s why he’s called G-d. The Devil is Evil. That’s why we call him the Devil. And Beelzebub … Well … Can you think of a more evil-sounding name than that?

Man #2: I still say it’s G-d. G-d created the world. He’s responsible.

Man #1: That doesn’t prove anything. Let’s say you’re the owner of Walmart. Someone was trying out some patio furniture at one of your stores, and they fell off and landed on their face and broke their nose. Now is that Joe Walmart’s fault?

Man #2: I think he’d probably lose a lawsuit. It happened in his store.

Man #1: “Probably lose.” Maybe it’s the patio furniture manufacturer’s fault – faulty furniture. Maybe the guy who fell off has done this before in other stores. He could be some kind of professional klutz. See, G-d created the “store,” but that doesn’t mean that everything that happens here is His fault. In most of these cases you’ll find that the Devil was involved.

Man #2: Okay, suppose you build Walmarts. You just finished building the premier Walmart in the United States. One night the whole store – the walls and the ceiling – collapses.

Man #1: And the sinks explode … I mean it’s a better effect.

Man #2: Now you’re responsible. You designed the store. You put it together bolt by bolt, all by yourself. See ya in court!

Man #1: Well, suppose someone slipped me some faulty bolts. Maybe a phantom    tornado flattened the store. Or the Devil himself huffed and puffed and blew the Walmart down. Just because I made the store that doesn’t mean I’m responsible when there’s a calamity.

Man #2: So you’re saying G-d isn’t responsible for the world He made.

Man #1: G-d created the world then left us in charge. Or He at least left some flexibility. Evil, for example, is its own separate branch – like the Congress.

Man #2: All right ... You’re making that Walmart. You want to do it right this time. You make your own bolts. Not only do you make the bolts but you give them existence. You create them from nothing.

Man #1: That’s impossible.

Man #2: Maybe for you, but not for G-d. G-d made the world but not like how you or I make a Walmart. Before He created the world there was no world. Only G-d existed. To create the world he had to make it exist. He made something that wasn’t there.

Man #1: Wait a minute. I’m making a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich. I got my bread, my jar of Skippy and a good-looking banana. Now, if I made this sandwich like G-d made the world, you’re saying I’d have to create all the ingredients out of thin air? Man, that’s tough. That’s not even wholesale.

Man #2: And that’s not all. When someone builds a Walmart, he can walk away once he’s done. A creation constructed from already existing materials can stand on its own. G-d, on the other hand, can’t just leave His Creation.

Man #1: Why not?

Man #2: Because if He did, it would no longer exist. He made it from nothing. He has to keep re-creating the world for it to continue existing. If he takes His “hand” off for one moment, the whole Creation reverts to nothingness.

Man #1: So what does that have to do with Mr. D?

Man #2: Mr. Dalrymple?

Man #1: No, the Devil.

Man #2: Since G-d’s control over the world – as Creator and never-ceasing re-Creator – is total, no creature enjoys true independence. Everything that happens in the world happens because G-d makes it happen. The Devil can’t cook up any evil by himself.

Man #1: Hold on a second. G-d is good. Are you with me on that?

Man #2: Yeah.

Man #1: How does bad come from G-d if He’s good?

Man #2: Whatever G-d does is for the good. The good might not be revealed to us now, but even evil is ultimately for the good. G-d created light and dark. Revelation and concealment. He employed both to create the world and to shape its destiny. In the end, concealment will beget revelation, darkness will become light.

Man #1: Now that we’ve defanged the Devil, what are we going to do about these masks?

Man #2: I’m going to keep my mask on.

Man #1: I’m taking mine off … Want some M&M’s?

Man #2: No thanks.