Man
#1: What are you doing?
Man
#2: I’m putting a yard sign in your lawn. I’m running for mayor.
Man
#1: Something’s wrong with your yard sign. Why is a piece of cheese cake floating
above your face?
Man
#2: I did a survey. It turns out that people love cheese cake more than
anything else except their spouse – and in some cases more than their spouse.
Once I cover this town with yard signs, voters will associate their love of
cheesecake with my candidacy. I’ll win in a landslide!
Man
#1: Shouldn’t people be voting for you because they like your ideas, your
10-point plan?
Man
#2: I have a 10-point plan. See my brochure? Each point is a different color.
Man
#1: It’s very colorful … You know, there’s another season happening now besides
election season. The High Holidays are just around the corner. G-d is, kind of,
running for reelection.
Man
#2: Really? I haven’t seen Him out here. What’s He running for? School Board?
Man
#1: No, He’s running for king.
Man
#2: Why does He have to run for king? You inherit that office by birth. I saw
this on Netflix. The king was coughing up blood, then he got real sick
and died. His oldest daughter, who was only like 20 or something, became queen automatically.
She got a crown fit to her head and her own credit cards and a Mazda.
Man
#1: On Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish people must willingly accept G-d’s commands
before His Will to be King is revealed for the new year. By renewing our
commitment to be His loyal subjects, we crown Him King once again.
Man
#2: But a king doesn’t need the love and admiration of the voters to rule. If
you’re king and you decree that everybody has to wear earmuffs, even in the
summer, and ban split pea soup throughout the kingdom, nobody can impeach you. The
electorate just has to take it. Tough beans.
Man:
#1: But you’re not describing a king. What you’re talking about is a dictator.
Man
#2: Look, I’m not giving a civics class. King’s are fat; dictator’s have
mustaches. Otherwise, we’re splitting atoms.
Man #1: You mean hairs.
Man #2: Yeah, hairs to the throne.
Man: #1: A dictator rules without the love
of the people. He forces them to do what he wants even if what he’s asking of
them is totally disdainful. A king, on the other hand, is loved by his
subjects. They want to do what he asks of them. They want to be his subjects,
and they want him to be their king. His will is their will.
Man #2: Well, now that you mention it, on
that Netflix show the queen was awfully sensitive to how the people
thought of her. She was giving these really lousy speeches at first. Then this
editor comes around and tells her to stop sounding like a snobby so-and-so and
start quoting Led Zeppelin songs in her talks and stuff like that.
Man #1: G-d wants us to serve Him – out of
His love for us. He doesn’t want to dominate us like an autocrat. A dictator’s
subjects live in fear. They fear the dictator as a dog fears a stick. The
king’s subjects also fear him but with a fear based on will and reason better
described as “reverence.” When we love the King, and want to serve Him and even
know Him, the King responds as our loving sovereign.
Man #2: Well, I guess that’ll work until He
runs again. For me that won’t be for another four years.
Man #1: But you have to win this election
first.
Man #2: I’m confident. I’ve raised the
most money, I’ve done the most polling and I have the best yard signs. Now it’s
just a matter of watching the votes come in and moving my favorite knick-knacks
into City Hall. What I'm going to have, in the tradition of Abe Lincoln, is a “government of
the people, by the people, for the people” – just like it said
on Lincoln’s bumper stickers.
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